Three blondes fishing
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, Excuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your fishing licenses.
We don’t have any, replied the first blonde.
Well, if you’re going to fish, you need fishing licenses. said the Game Warden.
But officer, replied the second blonde, we aren’t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river.
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. Well, I know of no law against it, said the Game Warden, take all the debris you want. And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. What a dumb Fish Cop, the second blonde said to the other two, doesn’t he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!
10 Common Fishing Terms Explained
Angler An obsessed individual who owns a house that is falling down due to neglect, a truck whose color can best be described as Rust-Oleum, and a pristine boat that he chamois’ down methodically before and after each trip.
Knot (1) An insecure connection between your hook and fishing line. (2) A permanent tangle on your spinning reel which forces you to go out and buy a bigger, better, much more expensive rig.
Landing Net A net used to help drag a large wiggling fish, or an inebriated fishing buddy, on board.
Live Bait The biggest fish you’ll handle all day.
Quiet Water Your surroundings after you stop cursing your bad luck and fall asleep at the reel.
Skunked fisherman One who returns to the boat ramp many, many hours after his buddies have gone home so that there are no witnesses to his catch or lack thereor.
Sinker (1) A weight attached to a lure to get it to the bottom. (2) The nickname of your boat.
Thumb A temporary hook holder.
Treble Hook Triples the odds of your catching a fish. Quadruples the odds of your getting the hook caught in your thumb (see above).
Trolling What you do after you’ve lost a $500 rod and reel set-up overboard.
Fishing season hasn’t opened and a fisherman who doesn’t have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches and asks: Any luck?
Any luck? This is a wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this stream yesterday, he boasts.
Is that so? By the way, do you know who I am? asks the stranger.
Well, meet the new game warden.
Oh, gulped the fisherman. Well, do you know who I am?
Meet the biggest liar in the state!
Catching My Pet Fish
A fisherman was fishing a lake that he has never had any luck on. But this day he was catching a fish it seemed on every other cast. When he was done for the day he had caught way too many fish over the limit but he decided he would keep them all even though he would be breaking the law. Half way home the Game Warden pulls him over and asks him to see his fish. When the man shows the warden the fish the Warden yells you have caught too many!! The fisherman says calmly “those are not fish out of the lake” he states they are his pet fish and everyday he lets them go in the lake to feed. The Warden not believing this says then how do you get them back. The fisherman says he whistles and the jump into his boat one by one. Well the Warden having heard every excuse says he just has to see this. The Warden and the fisherman both head out on the lake and stop in a cove. The Warden tells him to let the fish go, and cooperating the man lets all his fish go. After a couple minutes pass, the Game Warden tells him to whistle and get the fish back. Very calmly the fisherman replies “What Fish.”
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, Pick four large ones outand throw them at me, will you? Why do you want me to throw them at you? Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them. Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy. But why? Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight.
True Fishing Terms
Catch and Release – A conservation motion that happens most often right before the local Fish and Game officer pulls over a boat that has caught over it’s limit.
Hook – (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2) A clever advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his live savings on a new rod and reel. (3) The punch administered by said fisherman’s wife after he spends their life savings (see also, Right Hook, Left Hook).
Line – Something you give your coworkers when they ask on Monday how your fishing went the past weekend.
Lure – An object that is semi-enticing to fish, but will drive an angler into such a frenzy that he will charge his credit card to the limit before exiting the tackle shop.
Reel – A weighted object that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped overboard.
Rod – An attractively painted length of fiberglass that keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish.
School – A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid your $29.99 lures and hold out for spam instead.
Tackle – What your last catch did to you as you reeled him in, but just before he wrestled free and jumped back overboard.
Tackle Box – A box shaped alarmingly like your comprehensive first aid kit. Only a tackle box contains many sharp objects, so that when you reach in the wrong box blindly to get a Band Aid, you soon find that you need more than one.
Test – (1) The amount of strength a fishing line affords an angler when fighting fish in a specific weight range. (2) A measure of your creativity in blaming that darn line for once again losing the fish.